Thirteen...

You know, if everybody married someone from a different race, then in one generation there would be no prejudice.

CHRISTMAS!! =)

List of things I would like for Christmas...

Starting early lol...

Levistick

Fushigi Balls

Ballon Twisting Books + Supplies

Face Painting Books + Supples

Sign Language Books

Anything on my numerous wishlists... (Hottopic, Torrid, Amazon)

Money

Hot Topic Gift Card

Torrid Gift Card

Amazon Gift Card

Target Gift Card

A Colorful Confession...

So... I haven't posted in a while... Up until recently, not much has changed...

Life was pretty decent...

Just living life, day to day...

Things have changed though...

I met this guy. Things are going slow... I really like him though.

He came to church on Friday with me =)

I think he really had some kind of an experience, but that's his business unless he decides to tell me.

I ended up staying with his family over the weekend. Nothing crazy.. judge me if you want, for I am beyond caring.

Well Sunday morning comes around.. and my phone wouldn't stay plugged in... so it died, and my alarm didn't go off...

Dad calls me flipping out.. calls me a liar over the phone, then tells my stepmother I'm a deceiver...

LOL - Have you ever walked away from a fight, and thought of all the things you SHOULD have said? It may be possible that that's where "deceiver" came into play...

ANYWHO... I go to work the haunted house, and my mom picks me up. My dad had called, and wanted to talk to her, not me, her.

(By the way, this is hear say.. because, like I said... I wasn't asked for.)


IN a pecan shell... He asked her if she knew where I was.
She said, 'at a friends house.'

"No. She was at her ni**er boyfriends house... or is that news to you?"

"I didn't know if they were dating or not."

Blah Blah Blah... He saw it on my facebook, mom is ok with it.. Blah Blah Blah



Finally, it comes down to...

He is done with me. He has no desire to see or talk to me. I am unacceptable, and unwelcome in his home. He is finished.. Also he is completely irresponsible for "what I have become," because I just never listened to him. Last but not least... "I'm throwing my life in the toilet, and I better be careful before he flushes it for me." (WTH does that even mean?)(I have a few ideas.. but I don't want to think about it)

I was also informed that my grandmother feels the same way. I talked to her, and she stood firm...

I really don't know what to do. I REALLY think that this WHOLE thing is being blown WAY WAY WAY out of proportion. But... I guess I really don't have a say. My grandma said that I was the one making the choice... It doesn't feel that way though.

I care about this guy... and he's really good to me, so why would I deny him a chance because of the color of his skin? I just think its ridiculous.

It hurts though, that they would try to FORCE me to make a decision to go against my morals, by cutting themselves out of my life.

Now... Since Sunday, I have cried for a few days, considered suicide, talked myself out of that. (I'm not psycho, just hurt.) Then talked to a few people, and calmed down to a point where I'm thinking somewhat logically...

My current thoughts...

1. I will not go against what I believe.

2. If a guy is going to treat me right, and isn't a worthless bum, then I will give him a fair chance.

3. I wish I could fully comprehend my family's reasoning.

4. I'm not okay, but I'm dealing.

You know... I understand and appreciate the fact, that they feel so strongly about this subject and are trying to "protect" me, for all intensive purposes. However, the world I live in, is a lot different than the world they grew up in. I don't know what to think.

It just bothers me, because they have never even spoken to him... just saw some pictures on Facebook...

My mom said she thinks he used the words "ni**er lover" to describe me...

If that's the case, then I would have to say he's right. I love black people, white people, tan people, Italian people, Asian people, Indian people, Arabic people, I DONT CARE WHAT COLOR YOUR SKIN IS!!!!

You know why? Because I'm a Christian, and the Bible says to love everyone, and to try to be like Jesus...

God loves everyone the same. I want to be like Jesus.

I don't know, I'm still hurt. I wish I could figure this out, but for now... I'm just living life, the way it goes. See where it takes me...

You think the only people, who are people
Are the people who look and think like you...
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger,
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew...